Some days are really good and I feel completely certain about everything and some days, after spending an hour laughing on the phone with you, I end up crying after you hang up.

We knew this would not be easy, but I just miss you more than I thought I would.

I think that you have read my manual cover to cover, while others have only taken the time to skim it.

You know the way that my mind and heart work in separate compartments, one always outshining the other. I have a hard time translating my thoughts and fears into words, but you sit patiently while I try to explain.

You know what I am thinking over the telephone and you know exactly what to do to make my heart ache with joy. You know the intricate, intimate parts of who I am and for that, I am blessed.

I want to inhale you completely.
You would fill up my lungs
and as I exhale, parts of you would stay,
and parts of you would go.

This is who I need in my life. Encouraging people who are there to push me and uplift me when I need it.

So blessed.

On occasion, I find little reminders of you.

Sometimes, they are things I forgot I owned; a mix cd, silly love notes, old movie ticket stubs. Sometimes, they are not so tangible; things we used to laugh at, inside jokes, other people’s words, a certain kind of smell.

All the while I wonder if this tiny ache in my chest, that throbs ever so slightly, will go away. It is not enough to hurt, but to only catch my attention.

• I’ve been working out and eating healthy the past two weeks. It’s time for me to start taking care of my body, which is the absolute opposite of what I have been doing the past 22 years of my life.
• This afternoon, I went and met my Kindergarden class for my observation hours this semester. As soon as I introduced myself, the sweetest little girl came up to me and said “Your hair… it’s so beautiful,” with such amazement. Kids are so precious. I’m loving this already.
• I’ve been swamped with classes and work, but honestly have not felt very overwhelmed. (Knock on wood)
• I’m just feeling entirely blessed to have the opportunities I’ve been given and am trying not to forget the joys of the little things when I’m feeling a bit down.